where have all the good men gone
So Ladies, you want to find Mr. Right and settle down, so let’s get to work! First of all it is important to take a mental inventory of yourself. Are you happy with yourself and with your life? What about your job situation? Are you satisfied with your career and making a difference in the world? How is your self-esteem, do you value yourself? Have you let go of any past baggage that might keep you from moving on from a past relationship? Are you looking in the right places for the right kind of men? As you do this personal inventory, go within and see if any of these issues may be hindering your progress as far as readiness for a serious relationship. One of the most important things you can do while you are waiting for Mr. Right to come along is to become Mrs. Right. Work on developing your hobbies, talents, spirituality and if necessary improving your health. If you are not satisfied with where you are at the present time, picture yourself, as you want to be. Write down your personal goals, not only for Mr. Right, but what you think you can work on that would help you attract Mr. Right. Start affirming your goals on a daily basis and remind yourself that you are an amazing woman who deserves a wonderful husband. Next, you should decide what qualities you want in a husband. It is important to set your standards high enough that you find a quality person. Next, instead of fretting because he hasn’t found you yet, keep busy with your own life. Do things that make you happy. If you are lonely, volunteer or join a service organization. I’ve heard it said over and over again that Mr. Right usually shows up when we are too busy to notice or when we are not looking. We’ve all heard the stories of our friends who met the guy who started out to be Prince Charming and ended up being a nightmare. I have found that this happens when woman are desperate and jump into relationships too quickly without getting to really know the person before becoming intimate with them. Once you open the door to intimacy it is too late to turn back. Many of the men in this category are manipulators or dysfunctional characters who use women or abuse them, so if things seem too good to be true and your man moves too fast, BEWARE!!! Remember, we are looking for our true love, so it’s okay to take it slow and be picky. There is a true story of a single woman who wanted to get married. One day, she decided to affirm the desires she had for the man of her dreams. She had always wanted a man who was a romantic type and who would bring her roses often. So she purchased a notebook and cut out pictures of Roses and pasted them in it so that she could look at them everyday. She would meditate on this and she would think of the kind of man she wanted to marry. She had also always desired to be given a nice big diamond engagement ring, so she found pictures of rings, cut them out and added them to her “wish book”. She decided she wanted a man who was successful and one that had a big, beautifully furnished house as well. After all if she had to pick just one man, she might as well get everything she wanted in this man, right? Well, she cut out pictures of every single thing she wanted and then looked at her wish book every single day and with in several months met the exact man and is now married to her sweetheart. He brings her roses often; bought her a huge diamond engagement ring, and they live in his spacious house that is beautifully furnished. So, there is power in asking God or the universe to send you the man of your dreams and it doesn’t hurt to be specific. Where are all the good men hiding? Well, one of the first places I would suggest if you are of a religious nature would be at your local church or synagogue. If religion is something you value, in the long run marrying someone of your same faith or value system may be of great importance. A friend of mine who has been married for 15 years didn’t think that was such a big deal when she married her husband who is agnostic. Over the years it has caused her great misery, as she has become more spiritual and he has not. There are many religious online dating services as well that can match you with good men. I have found that there are many of them to choose from and highly recommend this avenue. If you are not religious, there are many online dating services that are secular as well. Just be careful to really get to know who you are connecting with and never arrange to meet someone you’ve met online at his or your home. Always meet in a public place, where you can leave if you want to. Also, there are predators out there so ladies, keep an eye on your drinks. Don’t become a victim of a sexual predator. If you have to go to the ladies room, get a fresh drink when you return to the table if you are on a first date. After all, Ted Bundy looked like the guy next door. Other possible ways to meet men include: health clubs, singles groups, café’s, coffeehouses, book & grocery stores, sporting events, parties, adult education classes, university extension courses, personal ads, dating services, volunteer activities, laundromats, libraries, pool & hot tub in an apartment complex, jogging, bike riding, hikes organized by outdoor clubs, dance classes, auction houses, craft fairs, flea markets, swap meets and through mutual friends. Let your friends and family know that you are looking for Mr. Right and ask them if they know of anyone they can set you up with. If you don’t let them know you are looking, it may never occur to them that they actually do know some single men who are also hoping to find Mrs. Right. Remember nice guys do finish last, don’t be too picky. Many of us have dated the bad boys because they bring excitement to our lives, but for the most part they leave a long trail of broken hearts along the way. Once I thought I would only be attracted to types like this GQ model I met years ago in New York City, and then I met a guy through a roommate who was shorter than I am, and balding. He also had a big nose, but as we got to know each other and became close friends, those things didn’t seem to matter because of the mutual care and concern that we felt for one another. We had become good friends first and when we finally did begin dating there was an unexpected chemistry that was really surprising. I realized then, that my standards had been too rigid and I was passing up a lot of good guys because they didn’t “look” exactly like the Prince Charming I had always pictured in my mind. Also, there is no shortage of men who are divorced or widowed, or who have children already. Be open-minded, that just opens you up to more possibilities. That brings us to the question of “The Rules” and other dating myths. Several years ago there was a dating advice book that came out that became a national best seller called “The Rules”. The premise was that by playing hard to get, you become more valuable to your man and he, by seeing you as a challenge, will work harder for you and thus value you more highly. At the time the book came out, I bought my copy like everyone else. But being one to not always follow the masses, decided to do some research of my own. At that time I worked in an office with few woman and many men. I decided to conduct my own survey regarding the men’s opinion of the rules and whether they were crucial to the success of a marriage or dating relationship. What I found out was surprising; out of all the men surveyed (and it was a large number) one third agreed with the rules and said they liked the chase. The next third didn’t agree with the rules and said they just wanted a woman to be herself. Most surprisingly of all was the last third who I will call “the shy guys”, they all said that they were so shy that if the women they were interested in had practiced the rules they never would have gotten married, because they needed the women to show some interest in them (meaning the women pursued them). This is just food for thought and each situation is different. So be aware of that. It cannot hurt to make a man work for you. If you are too readily available he might not appreciate you enough, but consider all things in moderation. If you are too unavailable he may think you aren’t interested and most of us (whether male or female) don’t like to play games. Well, ladies, I hope this has been helpful. Most of all believe in yourself and be your best self. Believe that love is out there waiting to find you. You deserve the best guy ever imaginable. Become happy with who you are, count your blessings and your good qualities. Focus on the positive things, your assets and let those things over shadow any things you don’t like about yourself. Don’t waste your time with anyone who puts you down or doesn’t treat you like you are the best thing he’s ever found. Remember, you want a husband who brings out the best in you and vice versa. If he’s into you, then he’ll make you a high priority in his life. If he doesn’t than you deserve better. May you all find your Prince Charming, have that magnificent wedding you’ve always dreamed of and live happily ever after…
